Sunday, January 27, 2008
Missing the guy i used to be
Has anyone ever told you, you changed? Like, you are not who you used to be. That it seems they do not know you anymore? And the worst part is, they told you that you were so much better before? A friend of mine actually told me those words and I actually didn't believe in her, not until the day I felt my life is starting to become different than before.
When i think about comparing my life now and my life before, I always end up comparing high school and college life. Because as a matter of fact, there are lots of dissimilarity between the two.
I can describe high school as the highlight of my life. Those were the times when I get what I wanted, I can choose whoever I wished to be and do everything I always wanted to do. I was like this really great person whom anyone could actually depend on, someone who people look up to, someone who is a lot better than who I am now. But of course everything perishes... everything changes.
Before, I can talk to people without shyness or without being intimidated. Though I have some flaws, those really don't bother me at all. But things started to change when I entered college. I now see how imperfect I am. And another thing is that, skin problems are all over my face. Then my sickness got worse. It's really depressing most of the time.
Also, some old friends are asking me what happened to me, why I got thinner and why my skin problem is getting terrible. Those issues make me sick. I just smile whenever they ask me those ugly questions but the truth is, it hurts like hell.
A new friend told me that I should not focus on my outward appearance. He also told me that he once felt the same way but he managed to throw those feelings away because he now knows what's more important. But I guess it's not that easy. Especially when I think that everything used to be okay... even perfect.
Moreover, I know I am also not doing great in school. I'm kind of failing some subjects due to some reasons. And man, I was not like this before. School used to be on my top priorities. I can still remember how I do everything just to have the best grades and be one of the top students in my class. But now, I am like this stupid guy who always worries not because he is going to have just a good and not the best grade but if he is going to pass or not.
Attitude is another issue. I can see that these days, I am becoming more and more lazy, I do not set my priorities and I'm always moody.
Sometimes, I feel that I am becoming horrible. That I am really a big ugly person now. And that feeling sucks.
But I guess all I need is time to make everything go back to its old state and just be strong to deal with everything. Also, I think I need to be more optimistic than ever so I can have a peace of mind.
I hardly do not know what these changes could bring more. But I do hope it will be okay soon.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
And I've seen their faces and i was like WOAH
It was really funny at the start of the show. They were like talking using the lines of the characters they dub[bed]. But one thing that really made me say " Oh woah! What the hell... that was extraordinary! " was seeing Ash's [from Pokemon] dubber. But before the spoil... Come on! Tell me the truth. You also think that Ash's voice is really both boyish and childish, right? Well, surprise! Surprise! The dubber is a girl! And man, she is really sweet. If I remember correctly, her name is Klarisa. Heck! I really want to meet that girl in person. She's now my " girl on TV " crush. Lol
Sadly, she's not the one who got the Php25K so she wasn't able to be the jackpot prize contestant. Anyway, there was another pretty girl who dubbed some anime too, girl this time, but I didn't get her name. Too bad.
Yesterday, I watched the premier night of American Idol season 7. They held their first audition in Phila and as usual, they had a bunch of "auditioners" (uhm ok, there's no such word. But hey! This is my blog. I can make my own dictio. Haha). And the wackos are getting worse than ever. But yeah, it was fun watching them. On the contrary, there were also people who really have a talent in singing. One even sounds like Clay Aiken. Right now, I'm looking forward to it's second part that will be shown tonight.
One last thing... Simon seems to be a little kind this season. :]
Sunday, January 6, 2008
For it makes the ride worthwhile
I was never open about any topics that would lead to talking about love or relationships. In fact, I used to say it's an 'icky stuff'. I also once thought that love is a bad thing... or at least that's what telenovelas show. You know, they always show that love can give you endless pain, make you sacrifice even those that are important to you and make you a bad person. It's always like that. Well that was until the day I fell in love for the first time... for real.
Like any other boy, I also had a bunch of crushes. And I tell you, even though those were just some pseudo-love feeling, it got me spending a lot of money. I bought gifts for my crushes, not really expensive ones but those actually waned my allowance. But then, it always doesn't end up well. It's either my feelings for those girls suddenly disappear or they unexpectedly find their real prince charming (whom sometimes my best buds). And because of that, I didn't think that I would ever find someone that's really for me. Also, it kept me believing on what those TV shows tell.
And then one day, I met a girl. She was really different from other girls I used to like. I honestly can't explain why I think of her that way but from that moment, I knew I was in love. And since then I realized that though love can give us unwanted experiences, it can too give us the happiest feelings and emotions that would definitely take your breath away.
If you want to know what happened with that girl and me, unfortunately, it also didn't end up that well. But still, I don't have any grudge on what had happened. It made me understood what really love is. And all I can do is to be grateful that it happened. Because I know someday I'll be able to meet that girl who would love me as much as I love her.
So now, I'm kinda open with that topic. As a matter of fact, I'm currently helping some friends deal with it. And it really feels so good when you know you could help them. I just wish everything would end up well.