Tuesday, December 9, 2008
When life starts to change big time
- Arnold Bennett
Before I start storytelling about my life here, I would first want to let you know that I was (and still am, actually) really, really surprised to see how much things had changed here (the blog-o-sphere, I mean). The first thing I noticed is that, those bloggers that I used to know changed how they write. Some changed from writing life stories to just posting poems and photos- which made me not interested anymore. Another thing is, most of the links on my blogroll no longer exist. Oh boy! That is truly sad. I miss reading their beautifully written blogs. They used to inspire me. I’m now hoping that they just changed their blog URLs and I would be able to find their blogs once again.
Talking about changes, I too had experience and still is experiencing a lot of them in my life since last summer up to now. Let me enumerate them:
1. I didn't attend summer classes (which I should have attended) but instead chose to go to Singapore so that I could relax and forget all about the bad things that had happened- which made me an irregular student for the rest of my college life.
2. I auditioned for Teatro Tomasino, the University-wide theater guild in UST, and was given the name YOO for some reason I don't want to tell anymore because it was a dumb story (seriously). I was then asked to join their first major production for this year as a part of their requirements for membership. Eventually, I got assigned to be both an Assistant Stage Manager and an actor to the play "Fuente Ovejuna" directed Mr. Dennis Marasigan – which gave me sleepless nights, no time to study, and made me went home late (around 1-2 AM). But don't get me wrong, the experience I had is still unforgettable and amazing.
3. I quitted participating in Teatro Tomasino's production. (Does failing Calculus not a good reason enough?)
4. I lost my best friend in a My-Best-Friend's-Wedding-kind of way (except for the "wedding" part). Gotta start singing "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall, I guess.
NOTE: I'll just blog this stuff next time 'cause I don't feel like telling it now. I guess I’m still not over her.
5. I did something horrible that I never thought I could ever do in my entire life. And you know what? It made me unable to function for a week.
6. I'm not that optimistic anymore.
7. I feel more alone these days.
8. I don't think I write as good as I used to.
Changes... changes... changes...
Those things I have mentioned are just a part of the looooong list. Unfortunately, most of those are not so good changes. But then I wonder, don't all of those changes also made me a much stronger person? Did they happen because I needed to learn something? And, don't I deserve those changes?
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Labels: Change, Choices, Life, Love, Optimism, Problems, School, Teatro
on 9:47 PM
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Missing the guy i used to be
-Smallville
Has anyone ever told you, you changed? Like, you are not who you used to be. That it seems they do not know you anymore? And the worst part is, they told you that you were so much better before? A friend of mine actually told me those words and I actually didn't believe in her, not until the day I felt my life is starting to become different than before.
When i think about comparing my life now and my life before, I always end up comparing high school and college life. Because as a matter of fact, there are lots of dissimilarity between the two.
I can describe high school as the highlight of my life. Those were the times when I get what I wanted, I can choose whoever I wished to be and do everything I always wanted to do. I was like this really great person whom anyone could actually depend on, someone who people look up to, someone who is a lot better than who I am now. But of course everything perishes... everything changes.
Before, I can talk to people without shyness or without being intimidated. Though I have some flaws, those really don't bother me at all. But things started to change when I entered college. I now see how imperfect I am. And another thing is that, skin problems are all over my face. Then my sickness got worse. It's really depressing most of the time.
Also, some old friends are asking me what happened to me, why I got thinner and why my skin problem is getting terrible. Those issues make me sick. I just smile whenever they ask me those ugly questions but the truth is, it hurts like hell.
A new friend told me that I should not focus on my outward appearance. He also told me that he once felt the same way but he managed to throw those feelings away because he now knows what's more important. But I guess it's not that easy. Especially when I think that everything used to be okay... even perfect.
Moreover, I know I am also not doing great in school. I'm kind of failing some subjects due to some reasons. And man, I was not like this before. School used to be on my top priorities. I can still remember how I do everything just to have the best grades and be one of the top students in my class. But now, I am like this stupid guy who always worries not because he is going to have just a good and not the best grade but if he is going to pass or not.
Attitude is another issue. I can see that these days, I am becoming more and more lazy, I do not set my priorities and I'm always moody.
Sometimes, I feel that I am becoming horrible. That I am really a big ugly person now. And that feeling sucks.
But I guess all I need is time to make everything go back to its old state and just be strong to deal with everything. Also, I think I need to be more optimistic than ever so I can have a peace of mind.
I hardly do not know what these changes could bring more. But I do hope it will be okay soon.
Labels: Change, Friends, Life, Problems, School