I'll be remembering you always and forever

Thursday, January 12, 2012
Debugging Backstage

"I can't imagine anything more worthwhile than doing what I most love. And they pay me for it."

-Edgar Winter

The Leadership Training went good; I was so energized and inspired to do better, just what I need for my remaining five months of work here. I say it's one of the best training sessions I've attended so far.

The food that was served was better than expected. I actually proposed to our President last Staff Meeting to replace the caterer due to previous problems we had with their choice of entrée and utensils but, they definitely revived their reputation yesterday.

My workshop went perfect. I actually felt a guiding hand when I was preparing the outline at 5:00 AM in the morning and while doing the actual workshop. It's so good to know that I got some divine help, for I know I could never deliver such a discussion relying on my talents and abilities alone.

I discussed three possible reasons why some people aren't doing the things they should be doing and not being who they should be, namely:

First, they don't know "it". Second, they don't understand the point. Third, they don't love "it". ("it" being the thing they should be actively engaged in and/or the person they should be)

To be able to empathize with those kinds of people, I thought of a part of my life when I've been, more or less, acting like them. And quickly, I remembered my college days.

They Don't Know "It"

I took up BS Computer Science in the University of Santo Tomas. It wasn't what I really wanted but my dad and sisters greatly encouraged me that I take it up and being an all-too-dependent person I am to my parents and siblings (even when it comes to decision making), without courage to say "no" to what they say I should do, I chose it.

I like doing things in cyberspace, i.e blogging, chatting and social networking. However, I was never interested to use the C Language (for I cannot even master the English language yet) nor debug a program which is like finding a needle in a haystack. I think I wasted my first few months in college whining about my decision and asking myself, "Why am I taking this boring and nonsense course?", even though my sister always tells me how much I could get paid someday. I didn't really know why Computer Programming was (and probably, still is) such a good course. Never did I done any research to at least know the standpoint of my concerned family. So, I ended up not being serious to my studies and just trying to make my way through the exams without really understanding Computer Programming.

They Don't Understand the Point

After several months of attending lectures and seminars, I finally came to realize how good BS CS is. However, like any Filipino soap opera when the premise is about to be concluded yet the show is at it's peek and gaining much fan-base, another barrier entered my mind. "Okay, now I understand why I should take this course. But what's the point of taking it? I mean, so what if I'll get a high-paying job someday? Would it really matter? All I want is a simple life in a suburb."

I was such a myopic teenager. Slow, I've been, to get the point of what my family wants for me. I wasn't really thinking how hard life is nowadays; that normal paychecks of the old world has turned meager income in the new world; that simple life now comprises of necessities which used to be called luxuries.

They Don't Love "It"

As I have mentioned, I'm not a computer person. I actually prefer Theater Arts or Speech Communication than printf and brackets. So even though I have learned many things about how marvelous PCs were made and how fulfilling it is to create an ATM-like programs with all its creative designs (after taking a few pills of Isometheptene), my heart still yearned for stage performances and radio dramas. I continued to watch Hamlet than Howe and Howe Tech , read 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens than The Complete Idiot's Guide to Java. That, I believe, is the biggest reason why I never excelled in my major subjects yet aced my English 101 and English Lit classes. I knew, even before, that I won't be able to exert much effort studying things I don't love.

I was actually happy when doing the workshop because 1. I really love giving out talks, seminars and lead discussions and 2. I did not just learn from others' answers and ideas but, surprisingly, 3. learned some things even from myself that I didn't know I knew before.

Surely, I'm ready for BYU-Hawaii. (if you find that totally unrelated, well, I believe you're right)

______________________________________________________________

Photo by:

betteoe

"chairs"

Labels: Choices, Courage, Family, Life, Love, Mission, School, Spiritual

on 10:44 AM
3 Thoughts

Tuesday, December 9, 2008
When life starts to change big time

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."
- Arnold Bennett

It's been quite a long time since I last posted an entry here. I never even thought that I would be here again, sitting in front of my computer, wanting to relive the things that had happened over the last 8 months of my life. And to tell you honestly, I miss blogging.

Before I start storytelling about my life here, I would first want to let you know that I was (and still am, actually) really, really surprised to see how much things had changed here (the blog-o-sphere, I mean). The first thing I noticed is that, those bloggers that I used to know changed how they write. Some changed from writing life stories to just posting poems and photos- which made me not interested anymore. Another thing is, most of the links on my blogroll no longer exist. Oh boy! That is truly sad. I miss reading their beautifully written blogs. They used to inspire me. I’m now hoping that they just changed their blog URLs and I would be able to find their blogs once again.

Talking about changes, I too had experience and still is experiencing a lot of them in my life since last summer up to now. Let me enumerate them:

1. I didn't attend summer classes (which I should have attended) but instead chose to go to Singapore so that I could relax and forget all about the bad things that had happened- which made me an irregular student for the rest of my college life.

2. I auditioned for Teatro Tomasino, the University-wide theater guild in UST, and was given the name YOO for some reason I don't want to tell anymore because it was a dumb story (seriously). I was then asked to join their first major production for this year as a part of their requirements for membership. Eventually, I got assigned to be both an Assistant Stage Manager and an actor to the play "Fuente Ovejuna" directed Mr. Dennis Marasigan – which gave me sleepless nights, no time to study, and made me went home late (around 1-2 AM). But don't get me wrong, the experience I had is still unforgettable and amazing.

3. I quitted participating in Teatro Tomasino's production. (Does failing Calculus not a good reason enough?)

4. I lost my best friend in a My-Best-Friend's-Wedding-kind of way (except for the "wedding" part). Gotta start singing "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall, I guess.

NOTE: I'll just blog this stuff next time 'cause I don't feel like telling it now. I guess I’m still not over her.

5. I did something horrible that I never thought I could ever do in my entire life. And you know what? It made me unable to function for a week.

6. I'm not that optimistic anymore.

7. I feel more alone these days.

8. I don't think I write as good as I used to.

Changes... changes... changes...

Those things I have mentioned are just a part of the looooong list. Unfortunately, most of those are not so good changes. But then I wonder, don't all of those changes also made me a much stronger person? Did they happen because I needed to learn something? And, don't I deserve those changes?

_______________________________________________________________

Photo by:
Aksicnn
"Green Green Grass"

Labels: Change, Choices, Life, Love, Optimism, Problems, School, Teatro

on 9:47 PM
0 Thoughts

Treasured Experience

September 30, 2008

"There's no substitute for experience."

Fuente Ovejuna (Teatro Tomasino's First Major Production this year) had already ended last night. And man! The feeling that it gave me was priceless.

I never really expected it to be that fun. It gave me that nice feeling i never had since I returned in school. We rehearsed the play for almost three months and I can say that the result is really, really worth it.

I used to say that maybe I won't ever love Teatro as much as the other members already do. I also used to wonder why they stay/ed in an organization when all it gives you are stress, depression and sleepless nights. But then, yesterday, I understood. I now know why many Teatro members love and sacrifice almost everything for it.

To our director, Sir Dennis Marasigan, thank you so much for the lessons you taught us. Thank you so much for bringing out the best in us. We will truly never forget you. Because of you, we are now not just better actors and actresses but also better persons. Thank you so much for the love that you showed us.

To Ate JS, I would like to thank you for teaching us the value of work and time. Thank you for teaching us the importance of keeping our promises and how to be punctual (the hard slap you gave me is really unforgettable. haha)

To Kuya Owa, my head, our Stage Manager, thank you for teaching us the importance of sacrifice. Thank you for the late-night meetings we had, i enjoyed every bits of it. Thank you too for being a true person.

To the whole production staffs, thank you for the wonderful and memorable production. I truly enjoyed it. We worked so hard and the result, like what i said, is worth it.

I love you people! I love TEATRO TOMASINO! :]

Labels: Friends, Happiness, Life, School, Teatro

on 9:12 PM
0 Thoughts

Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Trust me, this is true

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."

- George MacDonald

I was watching a TV series earlier and there was this scene where the two leads are on the top of a building, standing on the edge as if they were going to jump off. The scene suddenly changed, showing the two leads embracing each other, moving slowly to avoid any unwanted circumstances that might happen (like falling off the building). So yeah, you can call it a romantic moment. However, my mind is not on that lovely view (as some might call it) but on to that thought that they might actually fall if they'll just move one more step onto that edge. I'm acrophobic so that scene was honestly breathtaking for me. I was scared to death as if I'm one of the leads there. And then I wondered, how did they manage to do such scene. Why did they allow themselves to do a life-threatening act? But eventually, I was also the one who answered my question. I told myself that surely they trust each other that no one between them will ever do a crazy move while standing up there. And most probably, they also trusted their director whom they know will never let anything bad happen to them. So there, I realized that it was all about trust. Trust which made two people do something acrophobic folks are afraid of.

"When mistrust comes in, love goes out."

-Irish Sayings

Survivor, which for me is one of the greatest reality shows that were ever made, deals greatly about trust. In that game, trust is something you should not easily give since it may cause you to get voted off the game. In the other hand, it can also be one of the reasons that could make you win the title of being the "sole survivor". Because of this, many contestants find it hard to choose whether they would trust someone or not. Though many still decides to try and believe that it is the best thing to do.

Last Friday's episode of Survivor is a clear example of giving out trust to someone who doesn't deserve it. Jason, the person I was rooting to win, got voted off the show. He too, like Ozzy, got blindsided thinking that Natalie was his trusted alliance. Again, another great player got outwitted.

It was both nice and stupid for Jason to trust her. Nice since he gave her a chance of being trusted though he barely knows her. And stupid 'cause he didn't learn any lesson from Ozzy's experience.

With what Ozzy and Jason experienced, I now wonder how many times in our lives we actually have done the same thing; trusting people who in return just cause us to regret our decision of giving them our trust.

"Trust no one unless you have eaten much salt with him."

-Cicero

I was in fourth year high school when I experienced being back stabbed by the people I once trusted. I never really thought they could tell everybody something I trusted them not to tell. It was awful. Though I must say that it hurt me a lot, I still forgave them for what they have done. But of course, something must change. After that, I told myself not to trust anyone easily anymore unless he/she truly deserves it.

"Love all, trust a few."

-William Shakespeare

Trust is a beautiful thing. It's what people mostly need in this unsure life. Once it's lost, you can hardly give or acquire it again. Trust people who you know will always be there for you, who will never let you go no matter what. And in return, never fail someone who trusts you so much.

Photo by:

Hoplesss
"Hold me BRO"

Labels: Forgiveness, Life, Phobia, School, Trust, TV Contests, TV Series

on 12:14 PM
0 Thoughts

Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Solution to my Problems, Answer to my Questions

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

- James 1:5

Lately, I've been having tough days. School is making me really busy. Sometimes, I can't even do the things that I should prioritize more. Like for example, have some time for my family, read the scriptures or attend church activities. That's why I think I'm becoming less spiritual these past few days... or even months.

I've been also dealing with lots of problems. And most of the time, I think I'm all alone. That no one could help me. But that feeling is wrong. No sooner, I realized that someone is always there for me. Aside from my family and friends, there's someone I could always depend on no matter what happen. And that's our dearest Heavenly Father.

Praying was never a hard thing for me to do. It has always been my first action whenever I experience hardships in life. Every time I pray, I feel closer to our Father in Heaven. I feel safe, secure, and loved.

I know He always listens to and answers our prayers. He's there whenever we need Him. He helps us with our problems. Though often times, we're the one who choose to step away from His presence, Heavenly Father is still there for us.

Even though I'm becoming less and less spiritual these days, I know that Heavenly Father will always be there to guide me and make my testimony strong again if I just ask for his help.

Our dearest Father in Heaven knows what we want even before we ask Him in prayers. But He will not give us what we want unless we ask Him personally through prayers. He wants us to depend on Him. He wants us to always remember Him.

Praying never failed me. Praying has always been and will always be the solution to my problems and the answer to my questions.

Labels: Church, Faith, God, Life, Love, Optimism, Prayer, Problems, School, Spiritual, Testimony

on 8:34 AM
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Sunday, January 27, 2008
Missing the guy i used to be

"Life is about change. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's beautiful. But most of the time it's both."

-Smallville

Has anyone ever told you, you changed? Like, you are not who you used to be. That it seems they do not know you anymore? And the worst part is, they told you that you were so much better before? A friend of mine actually told me those words and I actually didn't believe in her, not until the day I felt my life is starting to become different than before.

When i think about comparing my life now and my life before, I always end up comparing high school and college life. Because as a matter of fact, there are lots of dissimilarity between the two.

I can describe high school as the highlight of my life. Those were the times when I get what I wanted, I can choose whoever I wished to be and do everything I always wanted to do. I was like this really great person whom anyone could actually depend on, someone who people look up to, someone who is a lot better than who I am now. But of course everything perishes... everything changes.

Before, I can talk to people without shyness or without being intimidated. Though I have some flaws, those really don't bother me at all. But things started to change when I entered college. I now see how imperfect I am. And another thing is that, skin problems are all over my face. Then my sickness got worse. It's really depressing most of the time.

Also, some old friends are asking me what happened to me, why I got thinner and why my skin problem is getting terrible. Those issues make me sick. I just smile whenever they ask me those ugly questions but the truth is, it hurts like hell.

A new friend told me that I should not focus on my outward appearance. He also told me that he once felt the same way but he managed to throw those feelings away because he now knows what's more important. But I guess it's not that easy. Especially when I think that everything used to be okay... even perfect.

Moreover, I know I am also not doing great in school. I'm kind of failing some subjects due to some reasons. And man, I was not like this before. School used to be on my top priorities. I can still remember how I do everything just to have the best grades and be one of the top students in my class. But now, I am like this stupid guy who always worries not because he is going to have just a good and not the best grade but if he is going to pass or not.

Attitude is another issue. I can see that these days, I am becoming more and more lazy, I do not set my priorities and I'm always moody.

Sometimes, I feel that I am becoming horrible. That I am really a big ugly person now. And that feeling sucks.

But I guess all I need is time to make everything go back to its old state and just be strong to deal with everything. Also, I think I need to be more optimistic than ever so I can have a peace of mind.

I hardly do not know what these changes could bring more. But I do hope it will be okay soon.

Labels: Change, Friends, Life, Problems, School

on 7:13 PM
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Monday, December 31, 2007
New start on old habits

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.

-Benjamin Franklin

Today is December 31, 2007, my last chance to post an entry for this year. And it's really quite hard to write a year ender entry since a lot of thoughts are running on my mind now. But whenever i start writing, all those thoughts seem to go and disappear. It's kinda weird but it always happens to me. Bummer...

So how was 2007 for me? To tell you that truth, it's not that easy. However, i can still say that it had been a great year even though i experienced tougher problems, issues and responsibilities.

One thing that made this year ok for me is that I graduated last March with flying colors. I wasn't really expecting it though i hoped for it. And i was really happy it did come true because i know i made my family proud.

Also, i got myself entered in one of the most prestigious university in the Philippines. There, i met new people that i know i would always cherish. Honestly, at first i didn't expect that i would like them. If you have read my post entitled "A new beginning", i stated there that "it was a big mistake to study there". But as days went by, i realized i was wrong. They were such lovely people. I think i just had that "my-life-is-perfect-in-high-school-and-i-don't-want-to-move-on" impression. Yeah it was really lame. But atleast i managed to throw that idea away. :]

This year, i learned so many things. I've learned more about love, trust, honesty, faith, life, et al. Most of them i learned through tragic and happy experiences and some are from the TV Series that i've watched. Yeah, you read it right. TV SERIES. Well they're educational too you know! haha.

What i just don't like about this year are those wrong decisions i have made. And the sad part is, i think i'm making "choosing wrong decisions" as a hobby. There are a lot of things i can't take back anymore. And it's really depressing. Another thing is, i usually practice procrastination. I hate it, but i still do it.

So now, i just wish 2008 would be a better year for me. I hope i'll be able to improve all the aspects of my life. Also, i hope i'll be more optimistic than before and be able to set my priorities more clearly.

Happy new year to you!

Labels: Family, Life, School

on 5:08 PM
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Saturday, June 16, 2007
A New Beginning

"I like waking up in the morning and realizing that i have a new day to face. It makes me feel that i have another chance to prove my worth."

-NhiL

I started my college life already last wednesday. Unlike what i expected before, it was really tiring and a bit confusing.

It was my 4th day in class today. I really don't know if my past few days in that University is exciting and fun or NOT.

There are things that really make me think that it was a big mistake to go and study at the place. But then, there are also things that make me feel to stay there like forever.

_________________________________________________________

To someone:

I'm really glad that i met you. You may not know how I feel whenever you talk to me but i wanna tell you that you really make me happy. You're the only thing that makes me realize why i need to stay in that place. Thank you for that.

Labels: Friends, Life, School

on 7:33 PM
0 Thoughts

Tuesday, May 22, 2007
4 Wonder Years

"I am a part of all that I met."

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

I went to school (the one where I studied high school) yesterday since our adviser last year asked us to help her do some cleaning because it’s "Brigada Eskwela" this week. Honestly I wasn’t really willing to go but then I remembered that I haven’t got my diploma yet. So I had no choice but to go there.

As I went upstairs to our room, I suddenly heard a familiar scream... "Gwapo!". I easily recognized that those were my classmates screaming. Hell! I missed that label. Only 50 persons call me that. And they're my beloved classmates.

After I heard them call me, I hurriedly went downstairs again since they were all in Science Building and not in our old room. Then I hastily helped them cover some old visuals and diorama 'cause I thought our last year adviser will give me my diploma as soon as I finish my work. But then she didn't give it right away for some reasons I really don’t know. So I had a very long time to chat with my classmates again.

It's great seeing them all again. Well, not all actually since some weren't able to come. But those that were there yesterday, I really had so much fun talking and laughing with them again like the old times. Oh man! I really missed those times when we will all just talk and laugh together until our next subject teacher comes. The topics were really not important as long as it's funny and we all know it. Haha... it’s such a good feeling remembering those stuffs.

Wow...now I really miss them all. I do miss all the wacky stuffs we usually, all the jokes, the games, the talk...everything!

Before leaving the school, I looked at our old classroom. It made me smile. It reminded me that it's the place where I spent almost 12 hours of my life 5 days a week with the people I learned to love as my own family.

Now we will live our separate lives again but I'm sure we'll all... I mean ALL... meet again after 10 years. That's our promise. We will keep it.

[Some of our photos in high school during our Senior year]

-Balayan, Batangas-

before my G. Kalikasan Pageant Night

-Jill's House-

first shooting for our Movie Project

-Cavite National High School-

Graduation Day

-Cavite National High School-

After our Grad

-Montano Hall-

Our Last Outing Together

Labels: Friends, Life, School

on 5:39 PM
2 Thoughts

Name:
Query:

Thursday, January 12, 2012 Debugging Backstage

Tuesday, December 9, 2008 When life starts to change big time

Treasured Experience

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 Trust me, this is true

Wednesday, February 27, 2008 Solution to my Problems, Answer to my Questions

Sunday, January 27, 2008 Missing the guy i used to be

Monday, December 31, 2007 New start on old habits

Saturday, June 16, 2007 A New Beginning

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 4 Wonder Years