Thursday, May 24, 2007
When your time comes
" I do not wish my family or friends to wear any badge of mourning for me at my funeral or afterwards, for if I am true and faithful unto death there will be no necessity for anyone to mourn for me."
-President Wilford WoodruffI was in our store this afternoon when the phone rang. On the line was Christina, my grandparent's hired helper, speaking with an unusual tone. I knew something bad had happened. I just didn’t expect that it was worst than I thought. She told me that my grandfather's heartbeat turned 0. She told me he's dead.
Actually yesterday, I even went to the hospital to see my grandfather. He was already in the ICU for several days. We went there since Christina told us that the doctors already spoke to my grandmother and to my dad and advised them to be ready for whatever that might happen to my grandfather. With the doctor's advice, we were sure that papang (we all call my grandfather papang) was in his last days. But then, mamang, my grandmother, was still strong and still kept on believing that papang will be able to survive his illness and get better. She didn't like what the doctor said. She kept on hoping that papang will get stronger everyday. However, my dad knew that papang's condition is getting worst than ever.
When mamang asked me to come and go to the ICU with her to see papang, I followed her without hesitation. After we entered the ICU, mamang talked to papang in "chabacano" language which I really didn't understand. But then, I knew that mamang was telling papang to wake up and breathe deeply because of her actions. And then, I talked to papang and told him he should get better soon and then we will eat all the things he always wanted. After that, I said goodbye which turned out to be my last words to him.
When we went out the ICU, I saw my father in the chair with a very long face. I honestly didn't know what to tell him. I can't tell him that it’s ok 'cause it's really not ok, that if papang wants to go, we should let him, that papang will be happier in the spirit world, and other things that I really wanted to tell him but I can't since that’s his dad… he doesn't want him to leave us. So I just sat beside my father. We didn't even talk. There was a very long silence until my mom showed up with mamang asking me to go home.
And now, papang is dead. Mamang is really mourning and is getting very emotional. She even said that papang is not happy now since she wasn't able to come with him. She also said that she really wants to go with him. But dad, I know he really doesn't worry much. Yes, he lost his father but it's only for this time. My dad has a great knowledge and faith about the gospel of Jesus Christ and that what's helping him to accept papang's death. He knows what Heavenly Father's plans for us are. My dad even told mamang that we shouldn't question God's decisions for His plans are perfect and good.
Right now, I have mixed emotions for this sad event. Although somehow I do feel sorrowful, it's still ok for me that he is now living peacefully since I know he already suffered much here with his illness and that he really need to go now as part of our Heavenly Father's plan. I also know that someday, we will all meet up again as whole family and will live together eternally.
I really don't consider death as a dreadful thing. Death is just a trial for everyone. It's just a test to us to know if we can live without someone in our lives. Also, death is just a short time separation since we will meet again someday.
In closing, I want to share what Morrie commented about death... "Death ends a life, not a relationship."
on 10:24 PM